Divorce & Separation Print

Multiplication is the name of the game and each generation just plays it the same.

So what is happening in New South Wales alone for 14,482 couples or 28,964 individuals in 2006 to have their marriages legally terminated by divorce and separation after being together on average for 7.6 years.

1986_to_2006_graphImmediately we identify a direct relationship with financial pressure and interest rates.

Maybe in this study we have actually found an explanation for the foundation of the "7 year itch", however we would like to offer an opportunity to actually study just what is happening in your relationship and why you or your partner think separation will make either or both of you happy.

Yes, sure you will be able to come and go and spend time and money as you please.

But what exactly is it that you think your partner is doing to you which will change in you when the offending partner is out of your life.

How will their absence change what is happening in you?

How do you know that your next relationship will be different to the one you think you are NOT having now?

Maybe your thinking the first few years were a honey moon period, then you started realising that things were not always so ‘rosy'.

Then you started comparing yourself to others in relationships which seemed happier, freer, more enjoyable, argument and stress free coupling.

Naturally dissent begins to accumulate as intuitive self protective mechanisms close down the stimulation of excitement from that once sensed lovin' feeling.

Lost to the sense of anxiety and rejection polarity rising as you hear those familiar foot steps approaching the front door or when the callers number appeared in your phone.

Even the dog picks up the vibe and moves to the laundry door for quick exit.

So just what is happening with you two who once enjoyed walking in the rain because you missed the last train home?

Would you like to understand what has happened to two really good long term friends, would you?

So that you can get to know yourself better and find real joy and happiness in yourself without expecting your partner to deliver you to your happy place.

Have you ever considered the possibility of any expectation of anybody or any thing setting you up for disappointment if it did not eventuate?

Here is a great old story to teach and explain about attachment.

To catch monkeys the traps are made from an empty hollowed out coconut shell which is tethered to a fixed point. The trapper cuts a small hole in the coconut just large enough for the monkey to squeeze its hand through to grab hold of the peanuts placed within.

Now the monkey intention is to win the peanuts however whilst his first is swollen by clasping the filled hand he is trapped and unless he surrenders the attachment to those peanuts he will caught single handed.

Marriage Counselling and relationship therapy;

There are all sorts of monkey traps out there. Life is full of them. It's a veritable minefield of snares for the unwary, waiting to make monkeys of us all. Some are hidden. Others are easy to spot. But all of them depend upon our static thinking, our inability to see the true nature of a situation.

You see people yanking and hauling on that fistful of peanuts all of the time, desperate to escape the danger they see approaching, but unable to release what is really only a trinket in order to gain the greater prize.

Of course, the easiest way to avoid a monkey trap is not to take the bait at all. Having taken the bait, the second strategy is to learn to quickly identify the inner stimuli of the situation for what it is and reassure yourself that you are safe.

A third approach, one that only works if you allow yourself time to study the sensation is to beating the trap. Our own trap of expectation, that is.

The monkey, if it took its time and avoided the fearful sate and worked on the experience, would come to realize that by turning the coconut the right way he can dump the peanuts on the ground and take them up a tree.

It depends on how quickly the monkey can analyze the situation-and how rapidly the hunters are closing in-whether or not that strategy will be successful.

However it's the rare monkey who can beat the trap. Most monkeys don't see that answer, which seems so obvious to us and this is the very reason why family Counselling is so effective and essential for personal growth, health and development.

So here's hoping you learn to spot the monkey traps life puts in front of you and to beat them when you can.

We promise not to teat you like a monkey but just use this little story to help ease the understanding and benefits of relationship therapy.

The following material is the latest available from the Australian Bureau if Statistics and we trust that you may consider relationship Counselling before adding to future reports.

Across Australia the number of divorces decreased by 1,024 (2.0%), from 52,399 in 2005 to 51,375 in 2006. The number of divorces in Australia in 2006 represented the fifth annual decrease since a high of 55,330 in 2001. There was a 2.4% decrease in 2002, with the decline in the number of divorces slowing with each successive year to 2005.

Divorces in 2006 represented a decrease of 2.1% on the number granted in 1996 (52,466), but a 30.3% increase on the number granted in 1986 (39,417).

Of all Australian states and territories in 2006, the highest number of divorces were granted in New South Wales (14,482), followed by Queensland (12,175) and Victoria (12,110).


In 2006, the Australian crude divorce rate (the number of divorces per 1,000 population) was 2.5. The crude divorce rate has been decreasing slowly since 2001 when it was 2.9.

The latest available divorce rates based on the married population are taken from 2006 Census of Population and Housing.

The divorce rate of the married population in 2006 was 12.2 per 1,000 married males and 12.0 per 1,000 married females. This represents a decrease from 14.5 per 1,000 married males and females in 2001 and 14.2 per 1,000 married males and 14.1 per 1,000 married females in 1996 (See paragraph 20 of the Explanatory Notes for more detail).

Males aged 30-34 years had the highest divorce rate (19.5 per 1,000 married males) while the lowest divorce rate (2.2 per 1,000 married males) occurred among males aged 65 years and over.

The highest divorce rate for females is 20.4 per 1,000 married females aged 25-29 years compared with 1.4 divorces per 1,000 married females aged 65 years and over.


The median age at divorce continued to increase in 2006, in line with a long term trend. The median age of males at divorce was 43.9 years, up from 43.5 years in 2005. In 1996, the median age of divorce was 40.2 years for males and in 1986 it was 37.5 years. Similarly, for females, the median age at divorce for 2006 increased to 41.1 years from 40.8 years in 2005. The comparative median ages for females at divorce for 1996 and 1986 were 37.4 years and 34.7 years respectively.

For both males and females the state or territory with the oldest median age at divorce for 2006 was Western Australia (44.7 years for males and 42.2 years for females). In 2006, the state or territory with the youngest median age at divorce for both males and females was Northern Territory, 42.9 years and 39.9 years respectively.

The rise in the median age at divorce is associated with increasing age at marriage and the increase in the interval between marriage and divorce.

In 2006, the median age at marriage for divorcing males was 27.6 years, up from 27.3 years in 2005 and 25.8 years in 1996. For divorcing females, the median age at marriage was 25.1 years in 2006, up from 24.8 years in 2005 and 23.2 years in 1996.

In 2006, the state or territory with the youngest median age at marriage for divorcing males was South Australia (27.1 years) and Tasmania for females (24.6 years). The state and territory with the oldest median age at marriage was New South Wales for males (28.0 years) and Northern Territory for females (25.7 years).