CO-DEPENDENT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS Print


Sexual Expressions of Co-Dependents

babilonRelationship Therapy is often necessary if not essential for many people in society when traumatised individuals unconsciously enter into co- dependent relationships believing that with theirs partner's contribution to their life they will become whole by having a partner to lean on.

With that loving feeling temporarily overriding old lonely wounds of emptiness.
But the loving feeling is temporary never healing old wounds, after a while we get to realise how we keep falling for some form of addictive band aid, for a companion, hoping for it to act as some "inner mummy" to kiss the pain better.
Again and again, again, in endless cycles until we actually get to deal with the underlying trauma deep within the psyches furnace.

Unfortunately this has never been the case and provides a possible explanation to why so many cohabiting couples feel their "relationship" has failed ultimately leading to moments of doubt, trust issues, anger, indiscretions of fidelity, progressing onto divorce, separating shattering families and propagating future generations of wounded souls to toddle off to endlessly repeat the futile exercise as if this is some form of hereditary disease.

Our conditioning or the perceived path of life adopted through our family of origin or child hood influence-rs generally leaves individuals as living forms of these cloned moulds, often with severe consequences for the real character who has been unwittingly psychologically trapped by the stained waters of the tutor.

After his wild military life of war, women, wine and song as a Spanish conquistador St Ignatius Loyola the founder of the Jesuit order is supposedly quoted as saying "Give me a boy till the age of seven and I will cut you the man" as he made his way back from his debaucherious, selfish, immoral, puerile ways to become a man of learning, humility,some dignity and character.

So it also comes to be when boys and girls mature to become men and women in relationship the two individuals must be come aware of and responsible for their own feelings and consequent behaviour as they learn to ‘kiss their own pain" when they are hurt, humiliated or wounded by a fall of their ego or pride. Becoming angry and throwing a "wammy" is simply not acceptable behaviour.

We need to develop greater awareness to the emotions which underscore such out of control, unacceptable "defensive" outbursts, and that's exactly the process of relationship therapy. Relationship with self.

Once the individual becomes aware of these "neural automatic reactors" they become progressively more self aware and able to avoid the personal hijack which always leaves one feeling so dejected, lingering on in the toxicity of shame and embarrassment for having "lost the plot" yet again.

After a few episodes, and like the walls of Babylon an impregnable barrier of caution rises between the couple and they lock each other out to avoid further contact with their own unresolved toxic pain walling up as a division of self protection from any more pain.

The wonderful therapist Virginia Satirencapsulated the necessary state for a pure relationship when she wrote:


satir_2I want to love you without clutching

Appreciate you without judging

Join you without invading

Invite you without demanding

Leave you without guilt

Evaluate you without blaming

And help you without insulting

If I can have the same from you

Then we can truly meet

And enrich each other


This is the intention of our Counselling and Psychotherapy for individuals , couples and families who are experiencing difficulties in relationship.

Please don't hesitate to call and arrange or discuss an appointment before the Walls of Babylon force you and your loved one apart.

Phone 93877752 after hours 0412 777303 0r email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it