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Psychology of Love Addiction:

This state of being is commonly exposed when partners in a relationship separate.

Bring forth the all consuming, all-pervasive need for the other person where one partner or both feel incomplete without the other. The remaining member of the former relationship becomes mortified and desperately ridden by anguish.

It's a common scenario in today's world. It's also an example of a codependent relationship.

Where you compromise your own values to avoid another person's rejection or anger.

Following are just a few red flags of codependence:

  • Difficulty defining ego boundaries. This means the partners do not realize where one begins and one ends.
  • Partners that exhibit sadomasochism. Meaning partners tend to either specialize or take turns playing abuser and victim.
  • Each person being afraid to let themselves go and take risks either as individuals or as a part of the couple. They often tend to do the same things and do not try things that are different.
  • Resisting and being fearful when a partner tries to grow personally. The other partner often views this as a threat.
  • Not experiencing true intimacy in any sense - intellectually, spiritually, physically, or emotionally. Intensity takes the place of intimacy.
  • Partners playing psychological games, as in one being the giver and one playing the victim.
  • Addictive partners barter and keep score, rather than giving freely without expecting something in return.
  • Partners attempting to change the other instead of dealing with their own problems or feelings.
  • Partners requiring the other to feel complete.
  • Seeking solutions for problems from their partners, instead of themselves.
  • Demanding and expecting unconditional love. This type of love can only exist between a parent and a child. We don't always like or approve of what our partners do. There are behaviors a partner cannot allow in the relationship and might well result in its termination.
  • Finding it hard to really commit to each other.
  • Partners look to each other for affirmation and worth, rather than to themselves.
  • Fearing abandonment when separated.
  • A tendency to recreate old negative patterns with their present partners that occurred in childhood.
  • Desiring, yet fearing closeness.
  • Attempting to take care of others' feelings.
  • Playing power and psychology games.

  • The psychology of additive infatuation is characterized by caring so much for a relationship with another person that self-love and self-respect begin to suffer.

    These examples and indicators of dependency most certainly rise when couples become self defensive after being ridiculed, abused or neglected by their partner and then very quickly both parties gon into a total pattern of self defence and all inter communication becomes lost. Spirialing feelings of rejection, of being unheard, neglected, abandoned and unloved.

    Resolving the the underlying trauma is essential to rebuild and recover these damaged relationships.

    Call us at Bondi Junction Counselling Service and arrange your couples appointment to deal with these unresolved issues and free yourself and your relationship from those continuing arguments.

    Phone 93877752 SEVEN DAYS 9 TILL 9 PM. Or Email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it


    Sexual Expressions of Co-Dependents

    babilonRelationship Therapy is often necessary if not essential for many people in society when traumatised individuals unconsciously enter into co- dependent relationships believing that with theirs partner's contribution to their life they will become whole by having a partner to lean on.

    With that loving feeling temporarily overriding old lonely wounds of emptiness.
    But the loving feeling is temporary never healing old wounds, after a while we get to realise how we keep falling for some form of addictive band aid, for a companion, hoping for it to act as some "inner mummy" to kiss the pain better.
    Again and again, again, in endless cycles until we actually get to deal with the underlying trauma deep within the psyches furnace.

    Unfortunately this has never been the case and provides a possible explanation to why so many cohabiting couples feel their "relationship" has failed ultimately leading to moments of doubt, trust issues, anger, indiscretions of fidelity, progressing onto divorce, separating shattering families and propagating future generations of wounded souls to toddle off to endlessly repeat the futile exercise as if this is some form of hereditary disease.

    Our conditioning or the perceived path of life adopted through our family of origin or child hood influence-rs generally leaves individuals as living forms of these cloned moulds, often with severe consequences for the real character who has been unwittingly psychologically trapped by the stained waters of the tutor.

    After his wild military life of war, women, wine and song as a Spanish conquistador St Ignatius Loyola the founder of the Jesuit order is supposedly quoted as saying "Give me a boy till the age of seven and I will cut you the man" as he made his way back from his debaucherious, selfish, immoral, puerile ways to become a man of learning, humility,some dignity and character.


    In human relationships an enmeshed person can't distinguish the difference between their needs, feelings, opinions, and priorities and their partners or that of fellow family members. Forever adjusting their own behaviour to ensure those in the enmeshment system remain contented . We don't want any body upset do we?
    This way the individual may believe they are actually fulfilling the Christian ethos of "do unto others as they would do unto you.".

    In relationship therapy exposure of this condition we may discover either, both or all parties have had a significantly undernourished circumstancial, childhood.

    "We're enmeshed when we use another individual to express our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security. Instead of two people present, we become one identity.

    More simply, enmeshment is present when our sense of wholeness comes from another person.

    We hear enmeshment phrases everyday such as, "I'd die without you," "You're my everything," "Without you, I'm nothing," "I need you," or "You make me whole." Many of us find our identity and self-worth by becoming the mate, parent, or friend of a successful and/or prestigious individual, or we find the need to fix and caretake individuals to give us a sense of purpose.

    Enmeshment doesn't allow for individuality, wholeness, personal empowerment, healthy relationships with ourselves or others, and, most importantly, a relationship with our Higher Power."


    I get a kick out of you

    Over the course of history it has been artists, poets and playwrights who have made the greatest progress in humanity's understanding of love. Romance has seemed as inexplicable as the beauty of a rainbow. But these days scientists are challenging that notion, and they have rather a lot to say about how and why people love each other.

    Here is a great little video capsule of an average experience of Oxytocin the natural stimulating love drug which is pdoduced in respond to hands on or toe touching as the story shows.

    Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people

    Is this useful? The scientists think so. For a start, understanding the neurochemical pathways that regulate social attachments may help to deal with defects in people's ability to form relationships. All relationships, whether they are those of parents with their children, spouses with their partners, or workers with their colleagues, rely on an ability to create and maintain social ties. Defects can be disabling, and become apparent as disorders such as autism and schizophrenia - and, indeed, as the serious depression that can result from rejection in love. Research is also shedding light on some of the more extreme forms of sexual behaviour. And, controversially, some utopian fringe groups see such work as the doorway to a future where love is guaranteed because it will be provided chemically, or even genetically engineered from conception.

    The scientific tale of love begins innocently enough, with voles. The prairie vole is a sociable creature, one of the only 3% of mammal species that appear to form monogamous relationships. Mating between prairie voles is a tremendous 24-hour effort. After this, they bond for life. They prefer to spend time with each other, groom each other for hours on end and nest together. They avoid meeting other potential mates. The male becomes an aggressive guard of the female. And when their pups are born, they become affectionate and attentive parents. However, another vole, a close relative called the montane vole, has no interest in partnership beyond one-night-stand sex. What is intriguing is that these vast differences in behaviour are the result of a mere handful of genes. The two vole species are more than 99% alike, genetically.


    malteseBaby & Childhood Bonding.

    Looking into the window of a pet shop is always such an evocative emotional experience for us as we see those beautiful little puppies scraging, jumping over, mauling and chewing each others ears, tails and legs as they shower us with innocent "puppy love".

    They love and need to stay in contact with each other, to keep each other company, within contact to the heart beat of their mates, brothers and sisters.

    Have you ever bothered to consider just why it is that they attract so much of our attention and sensitivity, why we are so drawn to all baby creatures?

    Of course pet shop operators know what a draw card these free, rollicking, living furry balls of love are and so they are always have "puppies" out there on full display, if the cabinet is empty we might even feel "ripped off" disappointed, having missed out on that loving and often sad feeling sensed with us.

    Bonding is simple enough, but not always easy; it can happen but may not; and, as wondrous as it is, some have misunderstood the idea and made it seem unnecessary.

    When the last pup of the litter (or display box) is left alone it will whine and become absolutely distraught.

    So too might its brothers and sisters when they are weaned off early and sent to different homes become villainous and seemingly quite destructive by chewing any thing and everything left lying around including all the used and unused tissues, old news papers, shoes, slippers, thongs pretty well anything left loose that it can find to play with, including saved up and well hidden Easter eggs.

    Through the study and observation of animals and their behaviour we are able to learn quite a deal about ourselves and the bonding relationships between Mother and child and Grand Mother and Grand child which makes for a very interesting study and comment.

    Love (The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran) PDF Print E-mail

    The Prophet
    Kahlil Gibran

    kahil gibranThen said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
    And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
    When love beckons to you follow him,
    Though his ways are hard and steep.
    And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
    Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

    And when he speaks to you believe in him,
    Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
    For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

    Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
    Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
    So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

    Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
    He threshes you to make you naked.
    He sifts you to free you from your husks.
    He grinds you to whiteness.
    He kneads you until you are pliant;
    And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

    All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

    But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
    Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

    Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
    Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
    For love is sufficient unto love.
    When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

    And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
    Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

    But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
    To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
    To know the pain of too much tenderness.
    To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
    And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
    To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

    To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
    To return home at eventide with gratitude;
    And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

    Labyrinth PDF Print E-mail



    Now we may easily imagine the two tablets of stone being the left and right hemispheres of the brain into which has been scored the commandments which were later interpreted as rules and regulations for getting on with your brothers and sisters and cousins and in laws, all.

    We could then imagine ourselves going up that mountain within ourself to the very same place for some inner conversation and enlightenment from the "free side" of consciousness which connects us as one with the universe and so we become prophetic and connected to previously unimagined possibilities.

    Extending the possibilities of these amazing exciting options for change allows us to oversee "psychological walls" of conditioning from a simpler more organic natural perspective which immediately reveals the open pathways of prior hedges and obstructions. The path is instantly revealed when in that elevated detached frame of mind.

    Realizations, new learning occur here in this place of mindfulness.

    heart to brain

    Serpentine spine

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