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I’m Turning 40 This Year PDF Print E-mail


by lordducksworth




How to do something good without doing anything at all


As I approach my 40th birthday, I am well aware of a number of limitations my own body is putting upon me. I was never a strong runner, but my ability to run for an entire game of Ultimate Frisbee has been severely impacted by my pack-a-day habit. And although I do go to the gym every now and then, my levels of commitment and motivation are those of a satiated sloth, which means my early morning workout / jog effectively don't exist. My diet consists of foods that I like to eat and the things that I like to eat are not really very productive to a healthy, working body. There's a bunch of things I shouldn't do that I do too much of. And another bunch of things that I should be doing that I don't do enough of. And I should be feeling a little guilty about it, but that's really counter-productive.

So, I'm glad that there is at least something I can do to improve my general health and well-being without making any real effort.

Bondi Junction Massage and Float Centre is tucked away in one of the many arcades that run off Oxford St Mall and is probably one of the better kept secrets. Although, judging from the fairly constant stream of clients, maybe it's not much of a secret at all.

I've written about Sensory Deprivation Tanks (or Float Tanks) before. Although, Bondi Junction Massage and Float Centre doesn't call them Sensory Deprivation Tanks, they call them Privacy Tanks. There's music and you can touch the sides and, as they say in their FAQs, senses may actually be heightened rather than deprived. They're awesome. Basically, it's a huge bath-tub filled with super salty water. The body temperature water has a stupidly high concentration of magnesium sulphate (Epsom Salts) which supports your body mass and holds it in suspension. Terribly comfortable, but not particularly tasty. Actually, not tasty at all. Actually, it tastes bloody awful, so try not to drink it. Or get it in your eyes. And when they advise you not to shave or wax a day or so before the float, listen to them. I made the mistake of shaving my rude bits the day before and, well, salty water plus freshly shaved bits...


It took me a while to shut down, I must admit. Although it is the perfect environment to meditate in I just had a bit of a struggle telling my brain to shut up. But, after a while of coaxing my brain to be quiet (time has very little meaning in the tanks) and the child-like joy of pushing myself ever so slowly from one side of the tank to the next, something must've happened. I know I almost fell asleep a couple of times because I managed to wake myself up as my body spasms (you know the ones you have just before you fall asleep, they're called myoclonic jerks) splashed the water into my eyes.

After struggling out of the tank and a fresh shower to get the salt off, a big, fluffy bathrobe was provided and I staggered out into the lounge where tea and snacks awaited. It was a lovely pre-cursor to the massage that followed. And what a massage it was! Most sports medicine type people recommend a monthly massage for the average human so I'm a bit behind this particular timeline. By a couple of years. Nevertheless, my masseuse knew her job. She was lucky she asked me to turn over when she did because I was seconds away from passing out on the massage table and drooling onto the floor. In fact, I had to ask her to repeat herself because I was so out of it.

So, after more than two hours of being pampered, I managed to walk home as if I was walking across the clouds. I ate ravenously that afternoon (and indeed, for the rest of the day) and then went home for one of the longest, unassisted sleeps I've ever had.

So it's nice to know I can do something good for myself without actually doing anything. And this post has not been approved, sanctioned or commissioned by The Bondi Junction Massage and Float Centre but, by god, they have this wonderfully cheap special called Two Hours of Bliss, which is what I had experienced. After my private health rebate, I ended up paying less than $100 and ended up feeling like a million bucks. They're awesome.


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Australian Traditional Medicine Society

Australian Traditional Medicine Society
Bondi Junction Massage and Float Centre